Whoops

Ok, I know that I have not updated my blog for a number of weeks and yes I am feeling a little bit like a cop out but hey I can only blame my age.

This is a really nice thing about getting older you can use this fact for an excuse. Ok, granted I am only turning 40 but it is the beginning of a whole new era in excuses. I mean come on, when your my age you get tired a lot easier and instead of going to bed at you know 2/3 in the morning I am asleep by at least 11:30pm each evening. That only leaves approximately 5 hours of freetime each night which dosn't include the time that is need to make dinner and get my daughter to her classes etc. So what's a girl to do. In this short time I need to have a nap, read a bit of my book and then get sucked into the latest reality show. There is just so little time for computer and blog updates. Of course I am usually working prior to the "freetime" so my brian capacity has been filled with it's quota for the day and believe me that is not much for someone of my delicate age.

I know what your thinking, make the time. What the hell does that mean anyway. I cannot produce more time and therefore I cannot make extra time. I certainly cannot stay up later, it would take away from my maximum 7 hours of sleep a night and that is an important piece to us elderly folk. So therefore all you 2 readers out there will have to be patient as you should be with us almost 40 people. And please, no pressure or asking "when is your next blog" it only causes me stress which can lead to many ailments for folks like me. Patience (another thing that I seem to be suffering from less of).

Lise

39/40 what's the diff.....

So I go to the doctors the other day because I feel this horrible lump under my arm. Ya, it scared the shit out of me but it just appeared and really hurt so my feeling was that it wasn't too serious. However I realized that at, uhhhhh well, my tender age it's important to check out these things. So I get in the doctors office, strip off the top half of my attire, and have this strange man ( I went to a walk in. My doctor is far ) poke around my breast and then tell me that he sure that it is a muscle strain and that it's not anything to be concerned about. That was a relief. I began to get dressed with a sense of glee and calm about the outcome of the situation as well as sense of pride at my self care. But then the Doctor had to stomp on my parade. He turned to me as I was grabbing my bag and asked "How old are you!". I told him 39 and he said(and I quote). "Oh, 39/40 same difference, you should still go to get a mammogram each year from now on just for precaution" YOU HAD ME AT 39/40 same diff....... WHAT! I don't think so. I am 39 and that is all. Not a year older then that. Not for another 11 months buddy. And as for your well meaning medical advice I know being in the "almost 40 category" that mammograms start to be a 40 year old regular routine but NOT at39!

Ok, you may be thinking, here we go again with the irrational behavior but come on. When you are feeling so vulnerable about not only your age change but at the moment you health, this is not what you need to hear. Hmmmmph...I was pissed. I looked at him with hate in my eyes and in a loud onerous voice said "THANK YOU FOR THE INFORMTION SIR" and walk out. I told him and he'll think twice before giving potentially life saving information to an almost 40 year old by possibly saying something more along the lines of ....." 39...wow I thought you were much younger than that. So I was going to suggest that if you are really concerned you could ask your family doctor about a mammogram to clear your conscience. However, you do know that even though I thought you were much too young to be worrying about such things, you may want to remind you readers..... I mean yourself that once you turn 40 a regular mammogram is pretty important.". This would have been much more "patient friendly".

Anyhow, don't let anyone tell you your older then you are, especially when the next age starts with a 4 as compared to a 3. Oh, and always remember that doctors are medically trained not necessarily trained in age differentiating.

Lise

A half of the paper

I would like you all to do an exercise for me. Take a piece of paper, preferably a blank Aby4 piece, and fold it in half. It doesn't matter which way you fold it just make sure that it is exactly in half. I then would like you to get a writing utensil of some sort and on one side of the paper write 0-40 and on the other write 40- . As you look at the paper you can physically see that half of the paper has a definitive ending, 40 and the other half you only have a beginning but no end number. Assuming that the other half of the paper is numerical statistic you may have already figured that if you were to put an end it would be 80. Well, yes that would be right if in fact we could be precise about that fact but considering each half represents years we've lived and will live we/I can only be precise about the initial 1-40 years.

Ok, I suppose you’re wondering what this is all about. Well I am all consumed about this visual. In this modern age the average woman live to be about 80 hence the other half of the paper. Of course I can not definitively put down a number behind my 40 because it may be less (oh god no!) or more (in which case I will need more paper). However, basing it on the average once hitting forty I will have essentially lived half my life (hopefully). This is consuming my thought right now and is freaking me out on many different levels. The idea that I have live for forty year already and it feels like it happened in a flash really flips me out about the second half. It’s also being aware that my parents are getting older and realizing that if my math is correct they are almost through that second half. That is crazy. So basically it's one of those things that provoked me to start this blog journey and to put to ease some of my anxieties. I suppose it's spiritual in a sense.

Anyhow, I know it's not that funny and may in fact freak you all out as well but it's just something I've been thinking about. (Oh, and it's a great fractions lesson if you put various numbers behind the second 40 and let the kids figure out the fraction of time you have left if it's....). (Nervous HEE HEE)

Lise

Alcohol Vs. Age

So here is my next dilemma, alcohol vs. age. What is the dilemma you might ask? Like myself you may be thinking that the only dilemma based on alcohol you have come against up to now is exactly what to drink and how much. And there in stands the issue, I don’t consider this comment a quandary. Up to now I don’t consider that alcohol is a "problem" for me. As a matter of fact I find that it is an excellent solution for a lot of ” problems" that I have come up against(Oh shit, there I go again, that didn’t sound good). However, the difficulty is the fact that I haven’t changed my alcohol/drinking attitude since my early twenties. That is to say that I often will equate drinking to partying which equals, well quite frankly, headaches. And headaches are no fun anymore. Not that I am suggesting they were ever fun but it is taking a longer time to get rid of the headaches and they come with other side effects like puffy glazed eyes, sleep deprivation, bad hair (I can’t be bothered on those days) and just general yuck feelings. Oh, I know this is “normal” but I suppose I can’t really handle it anymore. I actually become incapacitated to the point where it affects my day. Oh god, isn’t that sign one in the AA “How you know you’re an alcoholic” manual. Anyway, I digress. What I am saying it is really not the drinking behavior at all that needs to change, but the unfortunate derailing of the 39ish/40 year olds body tolerance of abuse. Ya, that is it for sure. So I think that the solution must be in the health and wellbeing of your physical state not alcohol itself. Right!!!! There must be some sort of organic, herbal, yogic type thing that could help with my tolerance level so that I don’t have to adjust this aspect of my life. OK! Any recommendations send them my way. Ahhhh see it’s not age vs. alcohol as much as age vs. delusion….. I mean accommodating your changing body.

Next week’s topic: 40’s and denial.

That all folks. (Going up to party at the cottage with my herbal pills.)

Where are my keys?

So it's been approximately a week since my euphoric first blogging moment. Now a week later I am a little less ecstatic and more panicked at the idea of actually having to follow through with this (due to the fact I emailed ALL my friends about it) and figuring out what to talk about. However, as I sit here and reflex on the last week there are certain, what does Oprah call them "ah ha moments", that I can lend to this weeks notes and that I believe have left a mark on my transition to
40dum.

Losing keys has always been a little bit of a sore spot for me. Keys along with mittens, wallets and well I suppose that cell phones would also fall into that category (although I've never lost my cell just left it in the rain). However, most of the time my "oh shit, I can't find my KEYS!" moment usually ends up with my husband calmly walking over with key in hand and smirk on face and making some annoying sarcastic remark starting with "surprise, surprise........". This week however he was not around when I biked home from my waxing appointment ( a whole other blog) and found by the time I reach home my keys were GONE! So here I am a woman in my 40th year, mature, and emotionally sound enough to calm myself and rationally think about what to do next in order to rectify the situation. Or you would think! Nope! I was Swearing, tears, emotional outbursts and not to mention complete panic. Did I find my keys that day, no! However, the next day after a sleep and rational contemplation I was able to trace my steps and locate the missing keys. Why am I telling you this? Why is this important for my "On my way to 40" blog? I suppose because it's another one of those times where I realize that I need to buck up and stop with the freak outs and act my age. But it might also be the idea that these “tantrums” might be getting worse. With mid life creeping into the distance my emotional break downs around such little crises are actually getting slowly more disturbing. I mean ya, I've always been a bit emotional but I swear on Tuesday the sweat was dripping, my pupils were dilated (I am assuming), the tears where quick and BIG and my daughter, my fucking 12 year old daughter, was able to calmly rationalize a method of entering the house and then get on with her day while I huddled in a corner talking to myself about what an idiot I am. Is this what I have to look forward to? Slow, but obvious collapes into some kind of psychotic meltdown over things like "KEYS!” Now, this could be me, and therefore I have revealed too much, or we, meaning us who are entering this time in our lives, could all be having melt downs that are irrational due to our coming of age. Who knows but I'm sure that if you read this and find similarities to your reactions you may be able to enlighten me and/or reassure me.

Oh, and if your wondering if my 12 year old was around for all of this. Well, sadly, she was there for half and not the good half. However, I feel that it's good for her to see so that......ummmmmmm.......she knows better when it comes to her. Ya, thats it. Hopefully, thats it.

Ya. Thanks for listening. Oh, and any thoughts let me know.

Lise

Here we go!

OK, I admit, I saw the movie Julie/Julia and thought ah ha, this could be a solution for my problem?. I can possibly blog my way through my 40th year sharing, empathizing and sympathizing with other late 30 somethings who are also feeling that midlife anxiety. Well maybe it's not as much anxiety as it is the reality that I am actually getting older and that I possibly have to start realizing this rather then ignoring it. Not that I am going to assume that turning 40 is all a bad thing but perhaps it's more of a maturity thing. What I mean to say is that for some of who have decide in our infinite wisdom that we are never going to "mature",as it will keep us young, the idea of hitting our halfway mark in life causes us to pause and think "oh shit". And this is exactly what I am struggling with. Do I continue to pretend that I am young or do I embrace the idea of my naturally maturing age and look toward growing older in a more creative and healthy way. (Yikes, even writing that lends to the idea of a sensibleness.)

So I suppose that is going to be the subject of this year less 3 days (my b-day was on the 16th of August) adventure. Let me know what you think and I will try to enlighten you each day with some thoughts, adventures, and possibly some words of inspiration.

Thanks.

Lise